Ah, I'm so damn unmovitated. Why can't I get myself to do work? Its not as if I'm actually doing anything else.

I seriously cannot tell where my time goes. Sometimes, people will ask me, "what do you do all day?" I try to think but I can't ever come up with anything... Essentially I come home from school, put on AIM but away, and then for the next three-four hours, there is a big void.

I don't play any videogames or watch TV. I don't work out, I don't hang out with friends, neither at home nor out somewhere. I don't leave my house to eat something and I certainly don't do homework. I don't even talk on AIM... which leads me to consider why I even have it on in the first place. What the hell is that all about?

I guess I just need something to do. I think I'm going to get a job after finals week.

Side-note: why are finals like in the middle of January? Literally no-one has finals in the middle of January. What the hell is that all about? Wouldn't it make more sense to have them right before vacation? That way you won't handicap any of the teachers and junk.

The best part is, I don't have enough motivation to do anything for myself, let alone schoolwork (which in theory is supposed to trickle back to me. It goes something like this: I do my school work so that my teachers get paid. My paid teachers spend their money they make from teaching me at a store who turns a profit and pays its employees. This profit, owed to my teachers buying goods with the money that I made for them by doing my work, turns into a rising economy, which consequently means stocks in related sectors go up. I may own stocks in those companies whose profits my teachers fund off my hard work, and may make a few cents on the market boom.

Take that, Alan Greenspan.)

Yeah, okay, so maybe I have spurts of creativity... maybe.

How in the hell did I ever finish all my college applications? I think that I've figured out my biggest fear. Fuck death, I'm scared I won't get into any colleges. That would be way worse. How would I ever live with myself?

I should probably stop before I dump out all my angst here and now; I mean, if I did, what am I going say when you ask me "what's bothering you?"

And before you ask me that, the answer is, clearly, "I don't know."

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